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Home / Solid Tips for Getting Through a Divorce in a Healthy Way

Solid Tips for Getting Through a Divorce in a Healthy Way

In the U.S., the wedding industry is a robust and popular one, and there are all sorts of ways to host a wedding big or small, indoor or outdoor, from Los Angeles to Boston to Detroit. The average first-time bride is 25 years of age, and new grooms tend to a bit older. However, statistics say that around 50.5% of all marriages in Michigan end in divorce for one reason or another, such as infidelity, drug or alcohol abuse, or simply a loss of interest. Less intense divorces may only require the aid of mediators, but a more complex divorce will probably call for the aid of divorce attorneys and even child custody attorneys. Citizens of Detroit, Michigan (to name one example) may look up local divorce law firms if they want to file for divorce and dissolve their household. This may include, you, too. This is never a fun experience, but it may be necessary so you can break up a bad household and move on to the next phase of your life. Here are some tips to successfully maneuver through a divorce.

Research Professional Divorce Attorneys In Detroit

As mentioned earlier, residents of Detroit (as one example) can and probably should look for legal representatives for an upcoming divorce, and the Internet is a powerful tool for this and other sorts of research. After all, with every passing second, another 67,000 Google searches are performed, and this includes queries for finding lawyers and other legal aid. Professional aid for any major life decision such as divorce or buying property is a must, and take note that many property buyers found their property via the aid of a real estate agent, and 40% of them find a good real estate agent through a close family member or friend. The rest may find those agents online, and something similar can be done so you can find divorce lawyers.

You may consult the attorneys working at a given divorce law firm (this may or may not incur a fee), and review the credentials, work experience, and personality of the different lawyers there and hire one who is to your liking. Of course, your spouse may be likely to hire a lawyer of their own. If your spouse has demonstrated abusive behavior toward you or other members of the household, consider moving to a different, private residence, and you may bring along your children with you. Most likely, you will interact with your spouse only through your lawyer, and through theirs. From here, you and your spouse will probably legally fight over everything from child custody or homeownership to bank accounts and even jewelry or family heirlooms.

Finances After Your Divorce

It is highly likely that your financial life is very different in your post-divorce life since you are no longer sharing bank accounts or pooling income with your spouse. You may have gained or lost money or assets in the divorce, and you might have custody of children (it will cost money to support them) or perhaps you are making alimony payments now or in the near future. You may end up downgrading your lifestyle and reducing overhead so you can pay off your lawyer fees, too.

Fortunately, there are simple and effective tools for handling all this. For one thing, it is vital that you perform a self-audit, and note your outstanding debts (lawyer fees, auto payments, mortgage, etc), note how much money you earn, and count up other expenses for a given month such as groceries, vehicle gas, medicine, etc. All of this will make it clear whether you need to adjust your finances, and by how much. For example, you may sell a spare car, or sell your only car and buy a cheaper one. You might also sell an RV or boat, or sell your home and move into a smaller one or even an apartment. Some divorcees will sell their home, live in an apartment while they save up cash and rebuild credit, then go and buy a new home some years later. You should consider this option carefully.

Health After Your Divorce

This is no time to “let yourself go” or decide that you can get sloppy or unhealthy since you don’t have anyone to impress. Keeping in good shape is vital, and you might actually have more free time now to sign up for a gym membership and stay fit or join an amateur sports team. At the very least, good exercise like this can take your mind off things and help you feel better with a rush of endorphins and dopamine (the “runner’s high”). If exercise is already your hobby, be sure to maintain it, and if you’re getting into this lifestyle for the first time, consult your doctor first in case you have medical conditions such as a bad back, diabetes, high blood pressure, and the like. Safe boundaries should be set.

Also, be sure to eat well, and resist the temptation to dive into drugs or alcohol. Harmful drugs will not ease your pain or fix your problems; in fact, they will create brand-new problems, and that is the last thing you need. Avoid drinking in excess and stay away from harmful substances, and instead focus more on good eating. Even if it was your spouse who handled most cooking in the household, feel free to explore more culinary options. This can be rewarding, fun, and healthy, and like a good workout, it can take your mind off things. Avoid excessive fast foods or processed foods, and aim for whole grains, lean meat like chicken and fish, fruits, vegetables, and dairy. This can open up all kinds of meal options, too, but you may want to check with your nutritionist if you make any radical diet changes.

Mental Health After a Divorce

Aside from finances, this may be the trickiest subject to tackle after a divorce. You have just been through a lot, and never should you consider yourself faulty or weak for feeling hurt or needy right now. Instead, strike a balance between denial and despair, and let the grief play out naturally. Mourn your lost household to let those feelings escape, but if you are becoming clinically depressed or anxious, be sure to consult mental health experts. Sadness and depression are, in fact, two different things.

Earlier, it was mentioned that fun cooking and exercise can help keep your mind off things and keep you engaged, and the same is true of other activities, too. Whenever you have free time, try going to clubs (drink responsibly), going to the movies and plays, joining cooking classes or art classes, and anything else that suits your interest. This is also a great way to meet and chat with people who had nothing to do with your divorce, and these friendly faces can make all the difference. You can make new friends this way, and if you have custody of one or more children, be sure to do something fun for them, too. Your son or daughter can sign up for a soccer team or go to summer camp, or they can have regular visits with their other relatives.

Should you resume dating? This is tricky to answer, but one thing can be said for sure: allow yourself to fully mourn your lost household first and process those emotions fully before dating again. Date partners want your attention on the present, not on the painful past, and they are not supposed to act as amateur grief counselors. Once you have processed those feelings, regained all your self-esteem, and figured out your schedule and finances, you are fit to decide if now is the time to date. If it is, then this can really help you move on, and you can explain to your child that you are seeing someone new (who is not their other parent) and make sure your date partner and child(ren) get along.

A divorce may feel like the end of the world, but that may just be the grief and shock talking. In fact, you must realize that you are a smart, tough, and capable person who is allowed to feel, and once you create a healthy lifestyle and get your finances lined up, you are ready to open a new, happier chapter of your life.

Kelsey R.
Author: Kelsey R.

Metro Detroit Mommy writer Kelsey.