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Should You Spoil Your Kids During a Divorce?

Kids often struggle the most during a divorce and need understanding parents willing to work with their needs. However, you might feel like they deserve a little spoiling during this time. Is this wise for a mother? Let’s look at why it might be a bad choice.

Why You Want to Spoil Your Children

Children suffer during divorces, and, as their mother, you want to smother them with love, affection, and kindness. Your desire to protect your children is innate, instinctive, and beautiful. However, it may lead to spoiling behaviors. You may even deliberately damage your children with toys, games, and more.

Spoiling can come in many ways. For example, your spouse may not let your children play Fortnite, a popular shooting game created by Epic Games, one almost banned on Google Play and Apple App stores. Even though the creator is suing both companies for this decision, your ex may simply not like the game.

However, if you let your children play the game at your house on video game systems, you are spoiling your children by giving them a special privilege that they can’t get at their other parents. Is there anything wrong with taking it easier on your children during this time? Potentially.

Spoiling a Child Creates an Unfair Dynamic

The impulse to spoil your children during or after a divorce is understandable. After all, they’ve had to go through some challenging experiences and likely need a little TLC from their mama. However, spoiling a child can create an unfair dynamic in your divorce that may frustrate you or even your ex.

Simply put, spoiling your child will make you the ‘good’ parent in their eyes, especially if your ex is a bit stricter than you. The same dynamic could develop if your ex spoils the child instead. This type of parenting dynamic is why 40-50% of all marriages result in a divorce in the nation.

When you’re the “good” parent, your children are more likely to want to spend time with you instead of your ex. So, naturally, you want to spend as much time with your kids as possible. What mother doesn’t? However, is that fair to your spouse, especially if they struggle to connect with your children?

No. Even if the impulse is pure, and you want to improve your children’s lives, you’re likely only to make your divorce more complex. Even worse, your ex might try the same tactic and leave you in a very frustrating situation that may pit your children against you emotionally.

Your Ex May Use Spoiling Against You

Don’t forget that spoiling can work in both directions and affect your relationship with your child. For instance, your ex may hear your children talk about how you are spoiling them and up their parenting game. Children are intelligent: they will adapt to this situation to their advantage.

This may result in them telling your ex that you bought them certain games, causing your ex to buy even better items for the children. Often, this situation can become an expensive spiral of spoiling that may be comical to outsiders. However, it may cause impossible-to-sustain financial conditions.

For instance, your ex may be one of the 17% of all Best Buy customers who walk into the store because they see the sign while out with your children. They may then buy them DVDs, video games, streaming devices, and much more to prove their love to your child.

However, your ex cannot afford these devices and struggles financially. Likewise, you have a hard time staying on top of the increasing demands of your children. Sadly, spoiling can create the expectation for your children to get whatever they want, whenever they want.

Instead of spoiling your kids, work with your ex to create a series of expectations for your children. Never put down your ex or try to use spoiling as a way to buy their love. Instead, create a favorable co-parenting situation that makes sense for your ex, yourself, and your children together.