Making Timeouts Work For You: Common Timeout FAQs
As noted in last month’s article “The Ten Absolute Timeout Musts,” timeouts work wonders, but only when used properly. To increase the success of timeouts, Achieve Life Balance collected answers to the most frequently asked questions (FAQs).
What Behaviors Do Timeouts Work Best For?
Timeouts are considered effective for general non-compliance, verbal and physical aggression, property damage, yelling and similar behaviors.
Are There Age Limits For Timeouts?
Experts don’t exactly agree on set age limitations. The AAP suggests using timeouts for children who are 2 to 5 years old. Some experts suggest timeouts can start as young as twelve months, but only as a last resort. If you use timeout on a young toddler, plan to join her. Simply gather your child in your arms and hold her firmly until she calms down. This is considered more of an introduction to timeout. When it comes to older children (preteens, teens), setting a consequences is often far more effective than sitting silently in a corner.
How Do I Handle Timeouts In Public?
For many parents, timeouts are easier to carry out at home than at a grocery store, church or other public place. You may need to get creative to find a quiet space. If you’re at a store and your kiddo is relatively calm, a shopping cart can act as a portable timeout. However, if he’s screaming he should be removed so he can’t disrupt others. In this case, his car seat may work as a safe and private alternative (while you sit quietly in the front seat). In some cases, the best solution is to pack up and try again later.
It’s Very Difficult To Ignore My Child During Timeout. What Should I Do?
The answer depends on why you’re struggling. Does your son easily pull you into an argument? Perhaps it’s hard for you ro avoid communication. Grab a pair of headphones, concentrate on taking deep, calm breaths, or ask another adult to handle the timeout. If timeout is genuinely uncomfortable for you, or your child appears anxious, try one of these timeout twists.
Is Timeout The Only Technique I Should Use?
While it’s important to be consistent (your child should know what actions lead to a timeout), other consequences may fit the situation better. In addition, overusing timeouts can reduce their effectiveness. Parenting workshops can help you learn when and how to use the most effective tactic for each scenario.
Why Won’t My Child Stay In Timeout
Doing everything timeout experts suggest? Consider these possibilities. Perhaps your child is:
- New to timeout and doesn’t understand sitting still is required
- Too young or too active to sit still (This includes potential health reasons that make it difficult to follow timeout rules)
- Having fun playing chase with Mom and Dad
- Testing the boundaries of timeout
- Testing parent’s boundaries
- Hopeful that Mom/Dad will give up
- Enjoys the power that comes from frustrating her parents
- Not affected by timeout. The timeout isn’t that big of a deal to him
Many timeout experts insist kids eventually give up running (if Mom doesn’t give up first)—this means you must keep returning your child to timeout until it sticks. Unfortunately, if you have a runner, timeout can quickly turn into an exhausting battle of the wills. Frustration leads to anger and loss of control—the opposite of effective parenting.
What If Timeout Isn’t Working?
Some children just don’t respond well to timeouts. A child’s personality can have a lot to do with its effectiveness. If you’re using timeouts correctly with little success (research shows more than 80 percent of parents are using timeout incorrectly), changing it up may solve your problem. This could be as simple as adding a “twist” to the traditional timeout or using a completely different disciplinary technique.
Did we miss your timeout question? Contact Susan to add it to the next timeout article.
Amber is the proud Homeschooling mother to four beautiful children, Damian (24), Rosaleigh (10), Carlyn (7), Naomi (4), and a wife to her loving husband, Chancellor. Her family also includes three cats.
She loves being a stay-at-home mom and feels blessed to be able to care for her children full-time and provide them with so many opportunities through Metro Detroit Mommy.